I found this:


"My Mom is a Survivor
My mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with here to help her understand.
But like the sands upon a beach that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others, a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's open door, I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with my death, to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows it's her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that Angel protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her, or ease the burdens she bears.
So if you get a chance, call to her
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she feels, my surviving mom has a broken heart that time won't ever heal."
~K. D'Ormeaux

Our world has broken.

High Risk

So, me and baby are very special! We've been put in the 6-8% of all pregnancies category of "high risk." I have a feeling that they are overreacting, but better safe than sorry. I have this spinal condition (my hindbrain hangs down into my spinal cord, which disrupts the spinal fluid and causes problems including a pocket of spinal fluid just chilling out on my spinal cord), so apparently that earns me a visit to a perinatalogist. Right now, I'm not sure who is delivering our baby. The nurse at OB said this perinatalogist would, but I'm not sure I believe that. The good side of all of this is that we move to Children's Hospital Clinics instead of the East Clinic at the hospital. We weren't terribly impressed with the hospital clinic. It was chaos and most of the staff wasn't friendly.

Good news: My sister found me a super cheap maternity swimsuit online at Wal-Mart. All this stress makes my back hurt. That's the story. We have an ultrasound on Thursday, so hopefully that'll put some worry to rest!

Here's the current worry: who is going to take care of this child when the maternity leave is over? I could just cry. Aaah so much planning! And I'm kind of thinking with a baby, you plan plan plan and plan and then everything ends up being chaos anyways!

One thing that is great about being pregnant at this time is that you get to totally ignore all of New Year's resolutions to lose weight. All those commercials, etc. all ignored! It's great. However, I am realllllly sick of eating. But if I don't, I feel sick, so I'm not winning over here.

We head to the OB's office to meet with an RN on Thursday, then we get set up with a midwife and probably all of the ultrasound stuff.

On Friday, Jerry said, "I can't wait to hold the baby." Isn't he the sweetest? I almost cried and I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with my fragile emotional state!

I thought this would be fun after reading Jerry's cousin's blog. Their lives are a lot more interesting though (100 fingers, 100 toes in all - yep a lot more interesting than me!).

So, baby has kindly decided to move enough that my sciatic nerve is no longer a pain! Woohoo! No more limping for now. Now if only this child would stop making me feel nauseous, we'd be in business.

I'm hoping I can talk Jerry into loading some photos eventually, so we can watch us grow. :) What a fun, crazy, scary, exciting time!